You know what’s weird? This is déjà vu. I’ve sat here before, typed this out and decided to post something else. Only this time I’m not going to post something else. Here it is: I’ve recently noticed that winning doesn’t feel good, it just feels like a relief. Is that bad? Like getting good grades, winning in video games, hundred percenting Angry Birds, progressing in my hobbies; none of it feels like something to be proud of. Maybe my metrics of winning aren’t good anymore. Maybe I need to think differently. Hm.
1 hour later: I think what it boils down to is that those things are no longer enough to fill the emptiness I feel.
I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all, in my opinion I think you’re confusing being happy and being truely fulfilled. Happiness is exclusively mortal and important to enjoy the world God gave you, and comes from the short and long term victories you can experience from external things. But joy and fulfillment are the more important, seperately necessary things that only come from within and from God directly. At least, that’s how I’ve been thinking of it recently.
You’re right. I’m looking for fulfillment and nothing can substitute for it. All I know is emptiness, but that’s about to change. God has been setting the stage for years and I’m about to get started. It’s just taking so long xD